Red Wine risotto (main course)

Ingredients for 2:

Half a bottle of red wine, some risotto rice (ARBORIO or CARNAROLI varieties COMPULSORY), half an onion, some water, fresh Parmesan cheese (not optional), butter, usual kitchenware (wooden spoon, a pot, a stove that passed MOT, chopping boards and so on)

The very first step in delivering any risotto lies in stir-frying both your chopped onion and rice with a tiny bit of Extra Virgin Olive Oil.
Just put in your pot your chopped onion and 250g of Arborio or Carnaroli rice, drizzle with a tiny bit of oil and keep stirring it (on low heat) for a couple of minutes. Doing this you should manage to avoid having the rice or onion sticking to the pot and getting burnt (for further references about burnt food please pay a visit to the museum of burnt food). When the rice becomes slightly opaque pour the first glass of red wine and keep stirring for another minute. Cover the whole thing in red wine and start waiting (or drinking, as you prefer). You basically need to simmer the whole thing in wine, adding from time to time a glass, a glass an a half when you notice the rice drying up. This phase should take more or less 15-20 minutes on low heat. Whilst doing this add a bit of salt keeping in mind that you will add Parmesan cheese and butter later on.

Important!
Make sure the rice is always slightly covered with the precious liquid and that it's not actually swimming in it. Stir it every now and then. Keeping under control the amount of liquid in the pot will help you to avoid overcooking the rice that should always come in an AL DENTE form, no matter what the circumstances are. If you feel that the amount of wine you are pouring in could cause you a serious alcohol intoxication pour a glass of water instead, that's acceptable.
Try a couple of grains, they should be ready when they are soft outside but still have some consistency inside.
If your risotto appears to be of a creamy consistency you got it right, you can throw in a spoonful of butter, stir again until the butter dissolves completely and then put in some fresh Parmesan cheese, as much as you like. This recipe has been appositely developed for people who like getting drunk but not drinking.

DISCLAIMER: The author cannot be held responsible for sordid drunkenness or food poisoning